How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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