U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
