You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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