yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
3 2 1 whiskey
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
