dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
