the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
