wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
