He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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