we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
