also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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