On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
