The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
