Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
