New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
