Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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