can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize