As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
