he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it because I queefed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
