Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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