She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I looked at my own cervix.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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