I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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