I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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