never play flip cup with pint glasses
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
