My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
