I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
