Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
