I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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