i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
