You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is wine microwaveable?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
