I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I forget how to act sober
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
