be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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