these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize