How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
