My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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