Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
