alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Text me some of your sweat
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
