we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize