If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it glows. i had to have it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
