That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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