Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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