hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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