Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
