Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
