:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
