Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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