There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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