I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
