We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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