oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize