non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
