She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
