Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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