I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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