Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize