I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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