Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
