If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
