grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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