new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
