this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize