She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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