I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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