girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
