I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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