but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
