not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize