If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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