I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
