She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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